Category: Habits

KICKING THE TIRES OF SATURDAY, OCTOBER 20

S R Janssen

A.M. Wobbles

This morning’s meditation wobbled; my concern for G. distracted me. Still I reached a measure of centered calm. Had there been an emergency, I would have had the equanimity to deal with it.

Of course, I recognize that ninety percent of my concern is for myself. “How will I survive a change to my safe an comfortable circumstances?” That question always lurks in the dark basement of my mind.

As this month winds down, I intend to wind up confidence and belief that my well-being lies with my relationship with Source and not with parents, family, relations, bosses, teachers, or other figures of authority.

I am aware that I want a much better mood than this one. Before publishing today’s post, I must feel my way into a mindset that I like better. I’ll pick and choose among available thoughts, testing for the quality of the way it feels. Here’s a thought that feels buoyant: when I look at my previous work, I am always pleasantly surprised by how good they were. It wasn’t necessary to allow my frustration to abandon them on the wayside. 

I like the idea of moving ahead, because the output will always be better than I think it is.

KICKING THE TIRES OF FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19

S R Janssen
Photo of leaves filling a space as an illustration of a mind allowed to fill with rampant thoughts

As soon as I woke this morning my mind started jabber, jabber, jabbering. Within seconds it filled the space between my ears with grumbles and natters about the way a close friend was failing to conduct her life in the manner that I thought she should be conducting her life. Until I woke up enough to catch on to what I was doing, my mind was engaging itself with thoughts that were a long way from generating warm and fuzzy feelings. Not only was I making myself feel bad, the focus of my attention was deflected. I was going to a place where I didn’t want to go. I was going to a place that was very far from what I wanted for myself today.

Even if I had some valid observations that could contribute to my friend’s well-being, my grumbly and nattering mood was certainly the space from which to communicate anything. I must laugh at myself. Is it any wonder that I accomplish so little of what I want achieve when half my mental energy focuses on things that are none of my business?

I sincerely desire well-being and happiness for my friend, but my grumbling and critical stance is not the way to contribute to that. It’s on par with beating someone into happiness. It’s a far more effective action to hold her well being in my imagination.