All hail my favorite month: and it’s one of the nice long ones with thirty-one lovely days. October sunlight is softer and deeper gold while the sky itself is a blue that I have always called “God’s-eye blue.” It’s a good month for imagination. I am anticipating magical moments throughout the entire month.
On a practical note: the trees and shrubs outside my window are still summer green. I want the apricot tree to drop its leaves by mid-month as I am planning a drastic pruning combined with heavy fertilizer to prepare for a heavier crop next year.
P.S. First good news of the month; Susannah Clarke, author of that remarkable tour de force of imagination Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell has a new book coming: Paranisi.
Cream cheese replaced my brain yesterday, and the early part of this morning as well; which means my day was filled with a mix of the sticky, the bland, and the vague. Only two useful things were accomplished: an appointment for a Low Vision 60 test, and first contact with Suzi from the County Home Modification program.
The thing is, those calls were not for my benefit, but for that of another person. Doing things for others is not all altruism, but a “respectable” excuse for sidestepping my personal goals.
It’s a habit pattern that I have run for decades. All I am going to do about it is make a note on my habit tracker and move on without further thoughts. More and more, I find the less I think, the better my day goes
The two children in the photo have been gone from this earth for more than nine years. The boy is my half brother, and the girl is my cousin. They were half a generation ahead of me; half-growed so to speak by the time I was born. My half-brother completed high school at New Mexico Military Institute. Right after graduation, he enlisted in the Air Force, attended OCS after his first hitch, and spent most of his life overseas. My cousin grew up and married in Iowa. After divorcing her first husband she spent the remainder of her life in Colorado.
Looking at the photo of those bright children, I would never have imagined the outcome of their lives to be as they were. Although both were very successful in many ways, I feel the final years of their lives were unnecessarily unhappy. My opinion, based only on subjective feeling and no facts whatsoever, their unhappiness was generated by a pessimistic and negative mindset that carried them far from the people they may have been as children.
Halfway into my morning cup of coffee, I noticed that I was feeling glum because, because, because my mind was busily engaged with “figuring it out.” In a nutshell, I was resenting an item on my “To Do” list that I was doing for another person instead of myself.
Resenting the situation felt bad; thoughts ricocheting between the pros and cons of the matter was only adding more to the pile of bad feeling. Then I woke up to the fact that I didn’t have to think about “the problem” at all. I could simply start thinking about something else entirely. So I started thinking about my exciting project of replacing the crap carpet on the sun porch with Flor tiles: soft sage and grey that will go splendidly with curtains. Just thinking about placing the order has jazzed me. Today is a very good day indeed and I am feeling fine.