Music is the best assist for boasting the morning. Plug in the headphones with the right music and the day brightens. My taste tends towards the bombastic. The minor key is a turn-on. Soundtracks work the best for me when it comes to sustained writing. Murray Gold did some brilliant stuff for Doctor Who; I listen to that a lot.
Bad Mood at Black Rock
Out of the blue, my neighbor’s potential relocation to a new unit across the street ignited a bonfire of anger. The neighbor is very pleasant but not of long acquaintance, and only ranks a four out of ten in terms of my attachment.
Really, I shouldn’t give a damn, but vengeful thoughts were flickering through my head most of yesterday. Of course, the neighbor has nothing to do with it. The situation simply triggered my anger with myself. An awareness of making some really poor choices in my life. In short, I hit a hot spot and it didn’t feel good.
Quite simply; I want to do what my neighbor is doing, and today I can’t do it. I can’t do it next week. In fact, chances are that I can’t do it this month. What I can do right now is start the ball rolling with thoughts about doing it early next year.
There’s a useful option: make lemonade from my sour feelings by thinking that I am glad to have that trigger exposed because it’s now very clear what I want for myself in the upcoming year. I am still feeling a bit vengeful, and I can use that by finishing my novel three days before the November 30 deadline. That would really be satisfying. I REALLY DESIRE FINISHING THAT NOVEL because it is the first thing I finished as the result of some sustained work over time since I churned out literary papers in college. I would enjoy feeling smug for a few minutes. Besides I am dying to know Mary Maud and Marie are going to get written out of Hartford into Belgium.
Don’t I just love those insights that make me laugh out loud because I have been such an ass. I woke up on the verge of creating a day filled with dissatisfaction because most of my morning hours will be consumed with errands and tasks for others.
I will not be able work on my NaNoWriMo project until this afternoon or this evening. I caught myself on the edge of building a wall of resentment with the bricks nattering. That would accomplish the following: making myself miserable with a bad mood; shutting off my ability to see and enjoy the little fun things of the day, possibly adding unhappiness to a person who is doing her best to deal with a current physical condition that frightens her.
By the time I sat down to my computer, I would have put myself in a such a growly and unpleasant state I couldn’t write anyway. What I an ass I can be when I forget that the only person that stands in the way of my accomplishment is myself.
Lying in bed this morning, I heard the best advice given to an ER physician: the best way to assist people is to stay connected to your own energy source and hook other back up to their own energy source. I can use that advice myself; stay connected to what I can to assist to others to hook back up to their energy source. I sure as a hell don’t do that when I continue to focus my attention on their momentary disabilities.
All I want to do right now is curl up and sleep for another hour, or two, or three. However, if a fairy godmother offered me the choice between napping and novel writing I would choose novel writing.
Although I don’t feel it right now, I know that I truly desire to finish the novel and be a NaNoWriMo winner. That desire is being held for me in storage, waiting for pick-up. On one level it is already completed; it was instantly finished when I decided to participate.
My job is to line up my thoughts and feelings. I need to dump old thoughts and beliefs filled with doubts and acquire new ones that support me as a writer.
After all, I am writing a 50,000-word novel that is free from any requirements at all in terms of being a good novel, or an interesting novel. The syntax requirement is basic; and the spelling and grammar requirements are minimal: they simply have to approximate English, as that is the language in which I write.
Furthermore, I am enjoying my characters, and I am interested in how the action will move them out of a luxurious life in Hartford ( why did I choose Hartford instead of New York?) to the mud and blood of World War I battlefields. Side Note: The fact that American Red Cross nurses were also in Russia and China is intriguing but needs to be set aside for now.