Author: S R Janssen

KICKING THE TIRES OF SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13

S R Janssen
graphic of two coffee cups and saucers
Coffee Set photographed by Gabriela Talerico

As the sun shining up through the silhouettes of the palm trees that I see from my window, feelings of love for my life flood over me. Nevertheless, I see more clearly every day how what a negative mindset I have carried since I was about eight years old. In my heart, I knew that I was supposed to be happy but lacked the skills to maintain my happy state given the powerful influence of my parents’ unhappiness.

Listening to an interview with Michael Lewis yesterday was evidence for me that extraordinarily happy people live in this world and I am one of them. my one and only intention is living more happily each day. Joy is my primary purpose with happiness and fun the organizing principle for all my activities. In turn, I expect to extract a maximum of fun and satisfaction from the mundane tasks that contribute to a comfortable and tidy life.

There is not enough time left on my clock to waste on thoughts, feelings and activities that don’t feel good. It is urgent that I train my vision away from “what is” and focus my gaze on what my desires.

Thinking back on my mother, I feel so happy that my thoughts and feelings of her are filled only with love; my happiest accomplishment was the happiness and satisfaction that I felt caring for her during her final days. Writing this has suddenly conjured her presence, and I am happy that the feelings left are those of love.

KICKING THE TIRES OF FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19

S R Janssen
Photo of leaves filling a space as an illustration of a mind allowed to fill with rampant thoughts

As soon as I woke this morning my mind started jabber, jabber, jabbering. Within seconds it filled the space between my ears with grumbles and natters about the way a close friend was failing to conduct her life in the manner that I thought she should be conducting her life. Until I woke up enough to catch on to what I was doing, my mind was engaging itself with thoughts that were a long way from generating warm and fuzzy feelings. Not only was I making myself feel bad, the focus of my attention was deflected. I was going to a place where I didn’t want to go. I was going to a place that was very far from what I wanted for myself today.

Even if I had some valid observations that could contribute to my friend’s well-being, my grumbly and nattering mood was certainly the space from which to communicate anything. I must laugh at myself. Is it any wonder that I accomplish so little of what I want achieve when half my mental energy focuses on things that are none of my business?

I sincerely desire well-being and happiness for my friend, but my grumbling and critical stance is not the way to contribute to that. It’s on par with beating someone into happiness. It’s a far more effective action to hold her well being in my imagination.