March 27th of this year, I took the final steps to stop and disappear my life. It was the culmination of a carefully laid plan. The fact that today is Kentucky Derby day, and I am posting a blog tells you that my best laid plan went “aglee.” (Nod to Bobbie Burns).

Today Sassypants (a cat) and I are in the custody of my sister and her long-term significant other. I attend one group session a week and will start a second one in mid May. The overwhelming feelings of shame and hopelessness that contributed to the thoughts and feelings that my life should stop have for now receded. Actually I am feeling good; I am even feeling light-hearted.

Nevertheless, I have questions about the value of living on through the inevitable period of decline, loss, and limitation that involve the final stages of life. That’s what I will be looking at as I am kicking my days.