KICKING THE TIRES OF MONDAY AUGUST 22, 2021

A 2021 Resolution Shot to H–!

The resolution was to post every day without fail as this was my personal record tracking my use of imagination as a means of tracking the third semester of my allotted “four score and ten.” Sigh! I couldn’t manage to string words into a sentence. Once upon a time, somewhere someone stated forcefully “there is no such thing as writer’s block.”

It’s true. I certainly can’t claim writer’s block. I lacked the stamina for noodling through half-baked ideas and pushing limp words into sentences until one morphs into a paragraph.

For seventy-four years, I asked myself “if I don’t write up to my standards, should I write at all?” If one can’t write deathless prose, what is the point of writing at all? Personally speaking, the point of “getting my hands dirty” putting  words on paper is that I learn to appreciate good writing. I have certainly stumbled across some great writing that will never appear on the curriculum of a university English. Except for mine of course.

There are books that I read three times for the story then five more times to analyze and admire how the author constructs sentences, or establishes a mood or arcs a small  recurring event through the story until it explodes as the turning point of the novel.

Here’s a thought. What fun it might be teaching my own English class, using my own favorite books as a curriculum.

Think about it!

KICKING THE TIRES: 2021 APRIL 24

Looking for Dis-Identity: Who Knew?

For my generation, young adults were obsessed with searching for their identity. “Who am I, really?” “How do I discover my life’s work?” “What is my passion?” Speaking personally, I struggled with those questions for years, to the point that I identified myself as a person forever looking for identity. It took seven decades before I discovered that “my identity” was not an artifact that would be found outside of me, sort of like a grail lying in the bushes alongside a cow path. I was about to add that had I known what I know now, I could have tossed a dart, and built an identity from the path upon which it landed. However, that thought is for another post on another day.

It may be an unsatisfying identity, but I do have one. At least I have a series of habitual actions and reactions with which I respond to the impingements on my day. The predominant knee jerk responses are my thoughts. Would you believe that that exact same thoughts cross my mind when I brush my teeth? Worse, they are thoughts about events that occurred when I 14! The same damn thoughts popping up for sixty years.

So here I am working to Dis-Identify myself from my so called identity; working to unhook myself from the habitual thoughts, feelings, and actions that respond automatically. The process feels very disorienting; often I feel myself floating free, without the comfort of an anchor. There is a trade-off to the insecurity; space is opening that allows me to make real choices. I am curious to find out what those will be

KICKING THE TIRES OF MARCH 10

After listening to a half-hour of Neville Goddard this morning, the following recognition of years wasted by carping negativity, and self-criticism sank me deep into the bedclothes. Somehow, it is not accurate to say “negativity and self-criticism.” I actually thought that unhappiness was the best way to operate in this world. I thought if I were unhappy long enough I would earn happiness. I held a mistaken belief that happiness was earned by racking up sufficient points “doing the right thing.” Of course, the “catch-22” was I couldn’t identify “the right thing” and spent decades vacillating among this, that, and the other.

Such a relief just being happy. There are no strings attached. Happiness is a state of being, independent of circumstance, environment and well-meaning relatives who know all about the best way to live their life.  Adding to the all-around fun is the discovery that I can be happy as a singing bird at the same time burning with desire for something I want.

KICKING THE TIRES OF MARCH 10

Having listened to a half-hour of Neville Goddard this morning, the years of unconscious negativity and self-criticism sank me into the bedclothes. It’s not accurate to say “negativity and self-criticism.” It was the mistaken belief that I had to earn happiness by “doing the right thing.” Of course, the “catch-22” was I couldn’t identify “the right thing” and spent decades vacillating among this, that, and the other.

I now know I can just be happy. There are no strings attached. Happiness is a state of being, independent of circumstance, environment and well-meaning relatives who know all about the best way to live their life. them at the end of a good start. Adding to the all-around fun is the discovery that I can be happy as a singing bird while burning with desire for something I want.