KICKING THE TIRES OF SEPTEMBER 12, 2020

Running late for my Census job yesterday. Leap into the Saturn, turn the key—the sound of silence from the engine. Not even that grinding cough. Dismay sinks to my gut. No time to brood.  I grab the keys to G’s PT Cruiser and off I go. One of the guaranteed dismays of my life is a car on the blink. Several months ago, I dealt with a problem that drained my new battery flat in two hours.

This time, I put it out of my mind and moved on with my day. I was looking up a Census ID, when I knew, with a feeling of great calm, that the car’s battery was dead because I had left the key in the “ON” position instead of rotating it completely to OFF (and that is a story for another day.)

The fix was easy: jump the battery. Out come the battery cables, up go the hoods of both cars. Red cable then black cable attached to G’s PT Cruiser. Red cable attached to the battery terminal on my car. Then (thanks to You Tube videos) I ground the black cable on the engine block instead of attaching it to the negative battery terminal. Good thing I did that because sparks flew around but my battery was safe. The Saturn starts up and all is right with the world.

The point to the story, and there is a point, is that I achieved a successful outcome free from the two hours of mental frenzy which is my usual behavior when the car goes on the fritz.

I can “change my state” I works best when done early or the jukebox  of mind automatically starts playing that dismal “D3.”

Coda:

If it is true that a person with multiple personalities can have diabetes in one persona and be free of diabetes in another persona then there are interesting questions about the relationship of the mind and disease.

KICKING THE TIRES OF SEPTEMBER 11, 2020

A moment of silence remembering that cataclysmic morning of September 11.

My god! has 19 years really gone by since that day in 2001?

Compared to the events of that day, my “issues” feel laughably insignificant.

  • What would happen if regard all my days as laughably insignificant?
  • Does insignificance equate to meaningless?
  • If my days are insignificant am I an insignificant blot on the landscape?
  • If my days are insignificant, would I continue to get up in the morning, pay bills, investigate the new gadgets on Amazon?
  • If my days are insignificant, would I make decisions?
  • Does significance require elements of effort, pain, and loss?
  • If my days flow effortlessly and without concern, are they significant?

KICKING THE TIRES OF MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

This Labor Day indeed has been laborious, but not in terms of actual labor. The soaring temperature which is setting record highs across California is bringing the usual weekend activity in this home to a grinding halt. The few tasks that are getting done, are completed at a snail’s pace, or abandoned altogether. Both cats are flattened into rugs and comatose: Julio in the shower and Romeo in front of the living room fan.

Last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, the Census had no cases for me. I retaliated by making myself unavailable for the entire Labor Day Holiday. And that with only a whisper of compunction. Driving around in heat clocking over 106 degrees would have done me in.

In my seventies, I find myself still worrying that “others” will think badly of me. I harbor thoughts of not holding up my end, and of other people thinking me unreliable. The truth is that I am unreliable: I am unreliable to myself, and fake reliability to others.

I feel such unease about doing only what I want to do, because I don’t trust myself to do the right thing. I have already proved I do not “do the right thing” anyway so I may as well stop splitting my energy. I can’t clean up what was done: I can choose my state of consciousness (reference Neville Goddard).

My Labor Day toil consisted of mapping the electrical circuits in this place and labeling the circuits in the junction box. As a result of this exercise, I concluded that the job I thought I could do myself will have to be done by a licensed electrician. Although my research on You Tube informed me about the “principle of the thing,” my attempts to fix the failed circuit in my bedroom would be hazardous. This is a case where spending money on expertise is the least expensive route to restored electricity.

KICKING THE TIRES OF AUGUST 19 2020

Creating with simple shapes

Right now, I am experiencing a situation that feels so uncomfortable. It is a situation that I created. It’s a situation that I’ve created repeatedly since I was in third grade. Explaining the details of that situation is looking backward and reactivating the energy of a feeling state that I no longer want to inhabit. To “put into words” re-freezes an unwanted state of mind. The concept of simply “assuming” a desired state enamors me. To hell with scientific studies: I am running with the idea of creation through imagination.

In conjunction with focused practice of imagination, I am putting into play the idea “nothing is more important than I feel good.” I love the concept of feeling good and feeling happy! There must be a law somewhere requiring one to feel unhappy when life is going wrong! I have certainly driven down that road forever. Time to turn the wheels onto the unknown road.