Category: The Imagined Life

KICKING THE TIRES OF 2021 MARCH 16

S R Janssen

This morning I was kicking real tires by lifting the hood of my car, filled with trepidation. Such a relief to find last week’s problem with the overheating engine was non-existent coolant in the radiator. Such carelessness appalls me. Fifty-five years ago, Daddy would have applied a the sharp edge of his tongue to me for such carelessness. Proper care of my aging car is a prime directive.

Onward to today’s reflection. I ran into a quotation by Florence Scoville Shinn. “Never do today what intuition tells you to put off until tomorrow.” This is an interesting answer to the domestic dilemma I created for myself. The Christmas decorations still sit in the sunporch awaiting packing and storage. It drives me crazy every morning. Yet, things always come up that keeps me from that task. Consequently, my thoughts and feelings have been cranky and filled with criticism.

Last night, I just dumped it. Nothing was getting done: anger and upset were motivating me to get job done. In an “Ah-Ha” moment, I realized that feeling happy was a choice. I could be happy as a lark whether or not I ever completed that damned decoration job.

So, I said the old lady’s version of “F— It.” Next, I made a cup of coffee and spend the rest of the evening playing Mexican Train Dominoes with friends. The decorations and boxes are still on the sun porch and I feel carefree-almost. Worries haunt me. If I am not unhappy about the unfinished task cluttering the porch, will it ever get done. If I am not unhappy about what the neighbors will think when they visit, will it ever get done? If it never gets done what will that say about me? If I am not keeping myself in line being unhappy, will my little world go to hell?

KICKING THE TIRES OF MARCH 10

S R Janssen

After listening to a half-hour of Neville Goddard this morning, the following recognition of years wasted by carping negativity, and self-criticism sank me deep into the bedclothes. Somehow, it is not accurate to say “negativity and self-criticism.” I actually thought that unhappiness was the best way to operate in this world. I thought if I were unhappy long enough I would earn happiness. I held a mistaken belief that happiness was earned by racking up sufficient points “doing the right thing.” Of course, the “catch-22” was I couldn’t identify “the right thing” and spent decades vacillating among this, that, and the other.

Such a relief just being happy. There are no strings attached. Happiness is a state of being, independent of circumstance, environment and well-meaning relatives who know all about the best way to live their life.  Adding to the all-around fun is the discovery that I can be happy as a singing bird at the same time burning with desire for something I want.