Some days ago, a conversation with a close relative set slammed the door on my figurative tail. Indeed my back was up just like an angry cat. My mind muttered on about that event for most of the day. I was angry.
Feeling angry feels bad physically. As I always prefer feeling good, I simply stopped thinking about the incident. I started thinking about pony trekking in Iceland; imagining the horse I was riding and the scenery I was riding through. That felt so good, my spirit lifted to the point of motivating me to work a rock garden. I completely forgot about the annoying conversation.
The next day, that event drifted back into my attention. In the interim, my viewpoint had shifted. It seemed to me that my relative actually had a valid point and that I was pig-headedly holding on to an issue that hadn’t been relevant since 2015.
There is no law that requires me to continue thinking thoughts about annoying events in the past. It’s a free country; I am allowed to think about anything I like-particularly if they are thoughts that feel good even when they are figments of my imagination.
All hail my favorite month: and it’s one of the nice long ones with thirty-one lovely days. October sunlight is softer and deeper gold while the sky itself is a blue that I have always called “God’s-eye blue.” It’s a good month for imagination. I am anticipating magical moments throughout the entire month.
On a practical note: the trees and shrubs outside my window are still summer green. I want the apricot tree to drop its leaves by mid-month as I am planning a drastic pruning combined with heavy fertilizer to prepare for a heavier crop next year.
P.S. First good news of the month; Susannah Clarke, author of that remarkable tour de force of imagination Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell has a new book coming: Paranisi.
Cream cheese replaced my brain yesterday, and the early part of this morning as well; which means my day was filled with a mix of the sticky, the bland, and the vague. Only two useful things were accomplished: an appointment for a Low Vision 60 test, and first contact with Suzi from the County Home Modification program.
The thing is, those calls were not for my benefit, but for that of another person. Doing things for others is not all altruism, but a “respectable” excuse for sidestepping my personal goals.
It’s a habit pattern that I have run for decades. All I am going to do about it is make a note on my habit tracker and move on without further thoughts. More and more, I find the less I think, the better my day goes
The two children in the photo have been gone from this earth for more than nine years. The boy is my half brother, and the girl is my cousin. They were half a generation ahead of me; half-growed so to speak by the time I was born. My half-brother completed high school at New Mexico Military Institute. Right after graduation, he enlisted in the Air Force, attended OCS after his first hitch, and spent most of his life overseas. My cousin grew up and married in Iowa. After divorcing her first husband she spent the remainder of her life in Colorado.
Looking at the photo of those bright children, I would never have imagined the outcome of their lives to be as they were. Although both were very successful in many ways, I feel the final years of their lives were unnecessarily unhappy. My opinion, based only on subjective feeling and no facts whatsoever, their unhappiness was generated by a pessimistic and negative mindset that carried them far from the people they may have been as children.