All hail my favorite month: and it’s one of the nice long ones with thirty-one lovely days. October sunlight is softer and deeper gold while the sky itself is a blue that I have always called “God’s-eye blue.” It’s a good month for imagination. I am anticipating magical moments throughout the entire month.
On a practical note: the trees and shrubs outside my window are still summer green. I want the apricot tree to drop its leaves by mid-month as I am planning a drastic pruning combined with heavy fertilizer to prepare for a heavier crop next year.
P.S. First good news of the month; Susannah Clarke, author of that remarkable tour de force of imagination Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell has a new book coming: Paranisi.
Cream cheese replaced my brain yesterday, and the early part of this morning as well; which means my day was filled with a mix of the sticky, the bland, and the vague. Only two useful things were accomplished: an appointment for a Low Vision 60 test, and first contact with Suzi from the County Home Modification program.
The thing is, those calls were not for my benefit, but for that of another person. Doing things for others is not all altruism, but a “respectable” excuse for sidestepping my personal goals.
It’s a habit pattern that I have run for decades. All I am going to do about it is make a note on my habit tracker and move on without further thoughts. More and more, I find the less I think, the better my day goes
Don’t I just love those insights that make me laugh out loud because I have been such an ass. I woke up on the verge of creating a day filled with dissatisfaction because most of my morning hours will be consumed with errands and tasks for others.
I will not be able work on my NaNoWriMo project until this afternoon or this evening. I caught myself on the edge of building a wall of resentment with the bricks nattering. That would accomplish the following: making myself miserable with a bad mood; shutting off my ability to see and enjoy the little fun things of the day, possibly adding unhappiness to a person who is doing her best to deal with a current physical condition that frightens her.
By the time I sat down to my computer, I would have put myself in a such a growly and unpleasant state I couldn’t write anyway. What I an ass I can be when I forget that the only person that stands in the way of my accomplishment is myself.
Lying in bed this morning, I heard the best advice given to an ER physician: the best way to assist people is to stay connected to your own energy source and hook other back up to their own energy source. I can use that advice myself; stay connected to what I can to assist to others to hook back up to their energy source. I sure as a hell don’t do that when I continue to focus my attention on their momentary disabilities.
All I want to do right now is curl up and sleep for another hour, or two, or three. However, if a fairy godmother offered me the choice between napping and novel writing I would choose novel writing.
Although I don’t feel it right now, I know that I truly desire to finish the novel and be a NaNoWriMo winner. That desire is being held for me in storage, waiting for pick-up. On one level it is already completed; it was instantly finished when I decided to participate.
My job is to line up my thoughts and feelings. I need to dump old thoughts and beliefs filled with doubts and acquire new ones that support me as a writer.
After all, I am writing a 50,000-word novel that is free from any requirements at all in terms of being a good novel, or an interesting novel. The syntax requirement is basic; and the spelling and grammar requirements are minimal: they simply have to approximate English, as that is the language in which I write.
Furthermore, I am enjoying my characters, and I am interested in how the action will move them out of a luxurious life in Hartford ( why did I choose Hartford instead of New York?) to the mud and blood of World War I battlefields. Side Note: The fact that American Red Cross nurses were also in Russia and China is intriguing but needs to be set aside for now.