After Twenty Minutes of Worry, Think About Something Else
This morning I realized that I am wasting energy AND distracting myself by mulling an issue over and over and going nowhere. This has been going round and round for twenty minutes, and I am feeling worse and worse without any result.
At issue is the thought “too much of my time is absorbed by another’s perceived need.” In short, I have a beef Genny’s demands on my time. This feels lousy, and I want to feel better. One thing I feel sure: broaching the subject to Genny, and “laying down the law” about the amount of my time she can have in a day will not produce an outcome that I want.
What do I want? I want to dedicate more time to my income generating projects while at the same time, I want Genny to continue visiting her “ladies” in safety and comfort. I want what I want, and I want Genny to have what she wants. Experience tells me that both of us can have what we want, if I don’t get my knickers in a twist.
I believe (and I experience has provided validation) there is a solution in the vortex. My poor brain is not capable on its own, so I am dumping this issue in the “the manager’s lap” lock, stock and barrel.
Today, I am not allowing one more thought about this to last as much as 17 seconds. Today, I make the best of whatever comes along: furthermore, I am going to milk as much fun as possible out of this day.
Out of the blue, my neighbor’s potential relocation to a new unit across the street ignited a bonfire of anger. The neighbor is very pleasant but not of long acquaintance, and only ranks a four out of ten in terms of my attachment.
Really, I shouldn’t give a damn, but vengeful thoughts were flickering through my head most of yesterday. Of course, the neighbor has nothing to do with it. The situation simply triggered my anger with myself. An awareness of making some really poor choices in my life. In short, I hit a hot spot and it didn’t feel good.
Quite simply; I want to do what my neighbor is doing, and today I can’t do it. I can’t do it next week. In fact, chances are that I can’t do it this month. What I can do right now is start the ball rolling with thoughts about doing it early next year.
There’s a useful option: make lemonade from my sour feelings by thinking that I am glad to have that trigger exposed because it’s now very clear what I want for myself in the upcoming year. I am still feeling a bit vengeful, and I can use that by finishing my novel three days before the November 30 deadline. That would really be satisfying. I REALLY DESIRE FINISHING THAT NOVEL because it is the first thing I finished as the result of some sustained work over time since I churned out literary papers in college. I would enjoy feeling smug for a few minutes. Besides I am dying to know Mary Maud and Marie are going to get written out of Hartford into Belgium.
Don’t I just love those insights that make me laugh out loud because I have been such an ass. I woke up on the verge of creating a day filled with dissatisfaction because most of my morning hours will be consumed with errands and tasks for others.
I will not be able work on my NaNoWriMo project until this afternoon or this evening. I caught myself on the edge of building a wall of resentment with the bricks nattering. That would accomplish the following: making myself miserable with a bad mood; shutting off my ability to see and enjoy the little fun things of the day, possibly adding unhappiness to a person who is doing her best to deal with a current physical condition that frightens her.
By the time I sat down to my computer, I would have put myself in a such a growly and unpleasant state I couldn’t write anyway. What I an ass I can be when I forget that the only person that stands in the way of my accomplishment is myself.
Lying in bed this morning, I heard the best advice given to an ER physician: the best way to assist people is to stay connected to your own energy source and hook other back up to their own energy source. I can use that advice myself; stay connected to what I can to assist to others to hook back up to their energy source. I sure as a hell don’t do that when I continue to focus my attention on their momentary disabilities.
I really love feeling happy! There isn’t much better than just feeling happy. The morning meditation combined with a few minutes of changing to better feeling thoughts really makes a difference. Now I understand what is meant by creating one’s own reality. What it means is deliberately shifting that inner space consisting of thoughts and feelings to one that is happier, more filled with contentment and more satisfying regardless of the temporary exterior situation. The more I practice holding a steady interior space, the more balanced I become. As the interior space changes, it begins to radiate outwardly shifting the exterior elements as well. It is becoming more and more true that universal energy does revolve around me (as it does for everyone).
Yesterday, there was a lot of resistance created through habitual thoughts of resentment and unfairness; however, I was able to identify them as nothing more than a series of old thought and their caravan of old feelings. Could I stop them? No, but as I recognized them. Sometimes recognizing them allowed me to pivot away to more energetic feelings, otherwise I was smart enough to simply take a nap. Their hold diminishes as the practice of pivoting to more positive thoughts increases exponentially.