KICKING THE TIRES OF MY DAYS MARCH 22

DAYS OF WAR

The sun is rising, bringing with this new day more accounts of death and destruction in Ukraine. More lives lost, more buildings razed, more rubble piled in the streets, and more fertile farmlands strewn with metal detritus instead of young, green plants.

This morning I read billions have been donated in support of Ukraine’s resistance to invasion. Of course, it is heartening that such support is being provided; still, I ask myself why such huge support is triggered by such destructive activities as war, and such meager support is provided for more positive activities such as solving the issues of climate change, pollution, and famine. One wonders if humanity will ever outgrow romanticized view of war.

Yielding to depression helps nothing; it only adds another grain of sand to the pile of despair. Once I read about a World War II fighter pilot, who said he never allowed himself to fly a mission until he felt happy. The “lightness of being” he experienced in his state of happiness opened his senses to enemies lurking behind the glare of the sun. True, that was lifted from a novel, not a biological account. Nevertheless, it gives me a reason to elevate my mood

Monday, March 21, 2022

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY

Sunday was a big day for me! A very big day! I decided to live a happy life right now: this very minute. There is simply not enough time to accomplish those objectives that would make me happy or grant me the right to be happy. If I want my epitaph to read “Lived Happy” today is the time to start.

I’ve decided to be happy despite of goes on around me. Step One is stop trying to fix the people (including the animals) around me. When I go to bed, I fall asleep when my head hits the pillow instead of lying awake worrying that “Person A” is not eating right, or “Person B took should have acted differently, or the cat is refuses to eat the “good food” instead of that awful dry food he has eaten his entire life.

The required action is changing the nature of my thoughts, ten thousand of which whiz through my mind life shooting stars. Of course, that many thoughts are beyond my control, but I can manage the thoughts on which I focus my mental energy. Not so long ago, much of my time was consumed dwelling on angry thoughts about a family member. I was creating a rift where I wanted a friendly relationship. Each time I caught myself with an angry thought (which had become the knee-jerk). I immediagely shifted my thinking to something more upbeat. In short order that “heated issue” that seemed so important dissolved into thin air: all sound and fury signifiying nothing.

Out of time to be continued

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KICKING THE TIRES OF SEPTEMBER 9 2020

This afternoon I engaged in an event in which I missed the mark by a mile in terms of desired outcome. BUT it led me down a new path of thought that I will be testing for this week.

Since third grade, I’ve feared people disapproving me; for decades I’ve allowed fear of people’s reactions to turn me away from from goals. So, this afternoon, I was determined muscle my way to a specific result when engaging with a stranger. Instead of achieving the result I wanted, I got a lap full of disapproval. On the one hand, it was a win in that I stood my ground for once and “waded in” instead of my usual cowardly retreat from the field of battle. The disapproval slid off like water from a duck’s back. For that, I award myself a gold star.

However, I failed to achieve my objective. Keeping a blind eye on my objective, I expressed myself in forceful manner which immediately elicited resistance.  Now I am re-thinking what it means to be powerful. It could be a mistake to define power as “the greatest application of force.”

What if power results from focused imagining of the desired outcome before engaging in activity?

What if I actively imagine a desired outcome, then stand aside and allow the desired outcome to work itself out using resources of which I am unaware?

What would have happened if I had taken ten or fifteen minutes to actively imagine the desired outcome, before engaging myself in that event?

Had I not been so blindly determined to achieve my outcome would I have been smarter and taken a breath and taken time to assess the energy in the room and assess the other person’s state of mind?

Funny thing, the interaction that occurred was an exact reflection of myself.

KICKING THE TIRES OF JUNE 16, 2020

Image of succulents that uses an effect that make a photo look like a painting. Illustrates an experience that is not definite by concrete experience.
An experienced remembered from another place

My dreams, at least the ones I remember, arrive in the early morning, rattle around for a second or two, then exit leaving no trace. This morning’s dream lingered. It did more than linger; it clamored for attention. A set of serious men in grey suits were interviewing me for a job. They asked what school I attended before transferring to UCLA.

I was flooded with memories of my time there, yet I simply could not recall the name of that school.  It was a prestigious school, with a name once as familiar to me as my own. As I failed again and again to capture that elusive name, my distress increased. Finally, I just gave up, thinking that my three years at UCLA had to satisfy the interviewers.

The moment I woke up, I knew immediately that I had attended Otero Junior College for a year.  However, the memories I was recalling while dreaming were vivid memories of an experience I never experienced in a school I never attended. Nevertheless, I felt there was validity in the experience.

If there were anything more to that dream than simple reverberations from my recent reading then I leave it to my subconscious to sort, while I go clean the bathroom.